Ladies and Gentleman,
I'd like to take this opportunity to encourage you not to vote tomorrow. I know, in the past I've encouraged you to vote but I've realized that was a mistake. You see the more people who vote, the less my vote is worth. It is in my best interest that you don't vote. So I encourage you to stay at home, it's cold out. Pop some corn. Watch the Kardashians (I hear Kim's getting a bikini wax). Let me make the decisions for you. We'll all be better off, because let's face it, the world would be much happier if we all did things my way.